Tales of the Tea Shop: Azula and the Fortuneteller
by Eduard Tubin
Summary: Aunt Wu comes to visit Ba Sing Se and stays with Uncle Iroh at the Tea Shop. Meng finds Karo the fiance of Azula cute and charming and sets out to stalk him


**Tales of the Tea Shop**

**Azula Visits the Fortuneteller **

"Would you say Ba Sing Se has lost much of its ancient culture due to the march of progress?" Karo sat at the over varnished cafeteria table and perused the Ba Sing Se newspaper classified ads. "I have noted a decline in the quality of newspaper proofreading since the end of the War."

"Someone use the wrong character somewhere?" Azula raised her eyebrow. "Have you noticed that no one ever invented the alphabet for written Chinese? We still use the same Never Twice the Same Character or NTSC system for writing that our stone age ancestors used."

"For Sale: Single White Stove – 4 Years Old and I assume they mean _Like New_ but this ad reads _Leaf New_." Karo mumbled.

"Off with his head." Azula waved her hand dismissively. "I have more important things to worry about – like the crappy weather in February. I have always wondered why the city of Ba Sing Se lies fifty five degrees north."

"We didn't want to attract the scourge of tourists." Karo looked out the large window and watched it snow lightly.

"Somehow our crappy weather doesn't deter the mosquitoes who will celebrate spring by swarming over the city." Azula mused. "The official bird of Ba Sing Se – the mosquito."

"When we visited the Fire Nation I remember seeing a wasp capable of lifting a person off the ground." Karo folded the newspaper. "You have a class don't you?"

"I do." Azula answered. "I looked outside and decided not to go because of the weather."

"You decided to spend time with your caring and intelligent fiance." Karo said suggestively and batted his eyelashes.

"No..." Azula hesitated. "I am lazy."

"Oh." Karo sounded kind of crushed. "On another winter related topic, I see Katara bought lunch and she's coming this way."

"Do you ever go to that advanced statistics class?" Katara asked Azula as she sat down and placed the metal tray with her lunch on the table.

"On average I do, but not today." Azula crossed her legs. "I saw a polar bear preying on first year students in the quad."

"In the Water Tribe we regard polar bears as omens of good luck." Katara began to dip the tea bag in a white earthenware mug of hot water.

"You can feed the elderly and frail to the polar bears." Azula quipped. "Saves on social security and medical insurance."

"Oh!" Katara snapped her fingers and pointed at Azula. "Uncle Iroh has a lady friend with him at the tea shop."

"That will save me money on lunch." Azula said dryly as she winced.

"She's a famous fortuneteller we met while traveling through the Earth Kingdom." Katara banged the table enthusiastically. "You guys want to know your fortune?"

"I will die." Azula said sarcastically. "Why do I need a fortuneteller when I take advanced statistics?"

"I want to know if I meet a tall, handsome guy with blue eyes." Katara swooned.

"You will meet a tall, handsome guy and you will utterly fail to get along." Azula countered. "You always find nice looking men that turn out to be jerks."

"I'm handsome in a 'can be stuffed in a suitcase and smuggled on a ship' sort of way!" Karo protested. "And blue eyes? Why does everyone like the blue eyed dudes."

* * *

"Why did you two drag me along?" Azula stomped into the tea shop. The tea shop looked busy and Iroh had closed off part of the tea shop with a bamboo divider painted with rustic scenes of tropical mountain forests. The folding wall looked like that kind of Asian kitsch that made people with good taste utter the word 'ugh' but which reflected the horrid taste of Uncle Iroh.

"Hello! I am Aunt Wu's assistant Meng." A young Lady with hair like a set of old fashioned television rabbit ears wearing an elegant purple dress met them as they stepped into the tea shop.

"Hello Meng." Katara said politely. "The young man is Karo and the young lady is Azula."

Meng hugged Katara.

"We came to Ba Sing Se to visit relatives." Meng said to the others. "Do you wish to see Aunt Wu?"

"I came to have tea." Azula had the look of someone either eating something sour or contemplating Japanese verb conjugations.

"I want to see Aunt Wu." Katara held her hands together.

"I'm game." Karo said enthusiastically. "I want to see Aunt Wu if you please."

I can tell you the future." Azula pulled out a chair at their Pai Sho table. "In the future the Sun will go supernova so lets tool up and go looting. In between now and then, the Earth will spin on its axis and orbit the Sun."

"You have nice big ears." Meng sat next to Karo as Azula and Karo set up the Pai Sho table as they waited for Aunt Wu.

"Have you met my fiance – _Karo_?" Azula said in a charming way with emphasis on Karo so Meng understood the message..

"Oh – heh." Meng blushed. "Come on Katara. Aunt Wu will see you."

"Every picnic has ants." Azula muttered.

"What does that mean?" Karo made the opening move in the Pai Sho game.

"We can all predict the future." Azula picked up her tile and contemplated an opening move. "I predict the next picnic I attend will have ants - I am a fortuneteller. Now fork over money or your undying worship and respect."

"Hello." Uncle Iroh came over to serve Karo and Azula tea. "You two plan to talk to the fortuneteller?"

"I have a few questions." Karo drizzled honey into his tea. "I want to know what stocks to buy."

"Keep an open mind." Iroh smiled pleasantly.

"I will make a prediction of the future." Azula tried to make her voice sound like it echoed. "In a hundred years and change, we will have a global spanning network to share information. We will call this the Intertube."

"We have a global information network – the telegraph and telephone." Karo reminded Azula.

"With the Intertube you will be able to share anything: pictures, music and even your own attempts at art." Azula continued. "Unfortunately people will do this and so the Intertube will become much like the basement in your house; full of crap people think others care a fig about. Unlike the crap in your house, the Intertube carries no fire risk."

"You have the most crap of any of us." Karo reminded Azula. Karo didn't know if Azula simply didn't care about neatness or had a mental inability to keep things neat. Her room had what amounted to geological layers based on age and relative importance. Useful things and her favorite clothes remained at the top level while library books and socks would settle down to the lower levels. When the University library sent sufficiently threatening letters demanding payment of the four page list of fees Azula would root out the books and return them or give up after a few hours and cut the library a check for lost materials or have the Fire Nation Treasury cut them a check. The socks never returned to the world of the living. She would buy fourteen pairs and end up with fourteen unmatched socks – she had a theory that a black hole existed in her room but only sucked socks and books into oblivion.

A man of indeterminate age and pure white hair sat down next to Azula at the Pai Sho table and looked over the board. He wore a nearly complete black suit with elaborate silver silk stitching.

"Aunt Wu says it's an honor to visit with the Princess of the Fire Nation and the son of Admiral Zhao." He announced calmly.

"Go ahead Azula." Karo prodded. "Say something sarcastic."

"I have so many options." Azula said calmly. "I'm mulling it over."

* * *

"I do _not_ believe in divination." Azula stated flatly as she sat down on a red cushion with her legs crossed.

"What do you believe in?" Aunt Wu asked with a fair touch of gentleness.

"I don't know." Azula said evasively. "I would rather say I doubt than I believe. I have had most of my hopes dashed."

"You wished to hold power over the multitude." Aunt Wu replied and sat unmoving on her cushion. "Did that work?"

"Shouldn't I be asking the questions?" Azula scowled.

"Do you have any questions?" Aunt Wu pondered.

"Do you claim to tell the future or only what those visiting you wish to hear?" Azula asked seriously. "Katara wants a family, Karo wants a fortune; you don't have to divine that, you can simply talk to them."

"You won't rule the world." Aunt Wu said sadly. "If you wanted to hear that then you will leave here disappointed."

"My father came close and he died in prison. I nearly became Fire Lord and went mad." Azula wondered how this old, ragged faced woman could pull these personal details from her. "I have largely recovered from my madness but I remain unhappy."

"You won't find happiness." Aunt Wu spoke slowly. "Life is misery."

"Why tell me that?" Azula said with a start.

"Joy comes while you chase it." Aunt Wu laughed gently. "Life without pain has no meaning."

"I don't understand what you are getting at." Azula began to show her impatience.

"Your fiance wants to make money but he doesn't have extravagant tastes – does he?" Aunt Wu asked carefully. "he came from a wealthy family but he is a spendthrift."

"He came from one of the most important families in the Fire nation but you would never know it." Azula explained. "He has an annoying meekness about him and an easy going nature. He trips over his own feet and has a deep streak of cowardice."

"He puts up with you." Aunt Wu countered.

"He's darn lucky to have me." Azula said half sincerely. "Actually he has a habit of growing on you. The first day I met him, he looked like a short, freckle faced almost effeminate guy who played a lousy game of Pai Sho. He still plays lousy Pai Sho and often utterly missed the point of things but in spite of that I can't imagine my life without his freckled face."

* * *

"Have you come to ask me about your future young Karo?" Aunt Wu asked Karo kindly as she helped him sit down on the cushion. Meng brought him a cup of tea to ease his nerves and make him feel more at home.

"Do I have big ears?" Karo hesitated. "I mean just how big? I never noticed them before but Meng seems to find them striking."

"Oh well..." Meng blushed. "I like men with big ears."

"Will I make a fortune?" Karo asked very directly not wanting to make Meng any more ashamed than he already had. Meng left the wooden tea tray on the floor bowed and left the small walled off part of the tea shop with some haste.

"No." Aunt Wu said. "You will never lack for money but you won't become wealthy either."

"That kind of disappoints me." Karo looked down and picked at the fringe of the red cushion. "What else is there in life for a young economist with no physique who has a phobia of everything?"

"A few weeks ago you fiance Azula had a bad flu and you kept her company by telling her Pearlie the Park Fairy stories." Aunt Wu patiently continued.

"I will become a park fairy?" Karo asked so emphatically tea came out of his nose. "I am a bit of a fairy as it is but I had not considered that as a career path."

"Can you just listen?" Aunt Wu exclaimed and handed Karo a handkerchief.

Karo sneezed as he held up the handkerchief to his nose.

"You will embark on a new career writing stories for children." Aunt Wu patted his leg with her hand. "If you choose this path you will find your life rewarding because you still have so much of the child in you."

"Azula hated my stories." Karo explained. "She said so in many four letter words."

"Why did you keep her company telling her stories?" Aunt Wu smiled.

"She needed the company I guess." Karo began. "When I was young and had the flu my mom told me stories and later on I kept myself sane during my teenage years reading as many science fiction and fantasy books as I could lay my hands on."

"Your first love?" Aunt Wu said half as a question and as a statement. "You love stories and storytelling more than you love money and moneymaking."

"I will write stories?" Karo shivered. "You do know Azula may not take this as good news?"

"She cares about you." Aunt Wu said reassuringly.

"Love conquers all?" Karo raised his eyebrow in doubt. "Or something like that?"

"I have faith in you two." Aunt Wu spoke as Meng poked her head around the folding divider and then disappeared. Karo noticed but paid it no mind as he had more important things on his mind.

"Or you have a medical interest in studying how far Azula can kick me in the butt before I sustain permanent hindquarter damage?" Karo sighed as he spoke. Karo knew Azula would never hurt him but she may not approve of his new direction in life and would waste no time in saying so. Even when she smacked him in the arm or upside the head, she never hurt him and did so more to focus his short attention span on matters at hand. A smack from Azula upside his head merely mussed his hair and moved it out of its neatly kept Fire Nation bun.

* * *

Karo and Azula walked home from the tea shop in the foul winter weather. Had the Avatar Realm had Russians, they would have lived here. The Fire Nation had always worried about facing the bitterly cold winters of Ba Sing Se and this had kept them from invading Ba Sing Se for a century. Uncle Iroh had two reasons for halting the invasion of Ba Sing Se: his son Lu Ten had died and this broke his fighting spirit, and he had broken through at the beginning of fall which meant facing another horrid Earth Kingdom winter. Iroh had made his way through the outer wall in time to have his forces freeze to death making it into the city.

Azula lacked the proper respect for the killing winters of Ba Sing Se until she had lived through one of them. She had never seen mercury freeze in a thermometer until a clear and cold January day in Ba Sing Se when the morning temperature fell below -40 degrees – what shocked her was that this didn't set some kind of record.

Karo and Azula said nothing until they arrived in the warm living room of the Zhao home.

"You are destined to write children's books?" Azula undid her red jacket.

"How do you know that?" Karo plopped down on the couch and Mistumi the lemur looked up at him as he woke from a deep sleep. "Did you listen in?"

"Meng told me." Azula went into he kitchen and found some cool tea in a pot Lady Zhao had left on the stove. Lady Zhao sat at the kitchen table with a large ball of red wool working on one of those long knitting projects that would eventually stop after it became a bobble hat, or go nowhere or grow to the size where it could be used as a sweater for an ostrich horse.

"Oh." Karo said in a defeated voice as Azula returned with cold tea and stale biscuits. Mitsumi stretched out and went back to sleep having assured himself nothing would require his attention.

"Have you considered a more respectable career as a male stripper?" Azula said as she tented her fingers.

"Do you want to see me take off a red thong?" Karo asked.

"I have seen you naked." Azula looked over her fingernails. "Minimalism has become fashionable."

"I haven't yet begun to rhyme 'Sam and ham'." Karo reassured Azula and stepped over the insult to his masculinity.

"Wait until they invent the Intertube." Azula grinned. "We could post pictures of your minimalism."

"Can we change the topic." Karo looked at Azula with grave discomfort.

"Meng." Azula shook her finger.

"What about her." Karo asked and realized he did not really wish to know the answer.

"She has begun to stalk you." Azula switched topic as she sat down.

"Huh?" Karo had never had a girl stalk him although he usually did nothing of note and so stalking him and watching him read the paper or a book would hardly count as exhilarating. "How do you know this?"

"I saw her in the alley across from the tea shop between the bank and the Masonic Lodge." Azula picked up the latest edition of Reader's Digest and began leafing through it. "She hid herself in the alcove of the back door of the bank where all the tellers gather on their coffee breaks to have a smoke."

"So?" Karo shrugged. "Would she follow us here?"

"Look across the street." Azula turned and pointed at the window at the townhouse opposite theirs. "What do you see?"

"A brick townhouse exactly like ours but with a green door, a sad looking spreading cedar and a cat asleep in the front window." Karo squinted as he looked out the window. "And an estate agent's sign hanging from a wooden pole? For Sale - 3rd Dynasty Realty: Call Koichi at Cedar Hill 5556? That is new - I didn't know the Chan's had decided to sell."

"The girl in that purple kimono hiding behind the sign!" Azula huffed.

"We should invite her in." Karo suggested.

"How cold is it outside today?" Azula said thoughtfully.

"About minus 20 centigrade?" Karo guessed.

"In our prison camps we had a rule that the prisoners could not go out if the temperature went below minus 40." Azula watched Karo open the front door and shivered.

"Meng?" Karo shouted across the street. "Why not come out from behind the sign and come in."

"How did you find me?" Meng blushed and shivered as she walked out rom behind the large wooden sign.

"You don't look old enough to qualify for a mortgage – at least not for a house in Ba Sing Se." Karo answered gently. "Come in and have some tea."

"I wanted to talk to Karo - I didn't mean to make you jealous." Meng sat next to Azula on the couch as Karo served a fresh pot of tea and some stale muffins.

"The tea is fresh." Karo advertised. "The muffins are some kind of oatmeal – my mom baked them yesterday."

"Did Meng make me jealous?" Azula asked Karo.

"Not that I noticed." Karo looked at Meng.

"I made a fool of myself, didn't I." Meng teared up.

"Not at all." Karo lied.

"Karo is gay." Azula stood up and patted Meng on the back. "We are both gay but we fell in love because the – Karo? She has her face in my chest."

"You have a great life – why so sad?" Karo asked sincerely.

"I'm a dork." Meng cried out. "I want to find my true love but when I meet a nice guy they are not the one."

"As a fellow female dork." Azula looked distinctly uncomfortable as she spoke to the girl in her hands. "I can tell you that you will never meet the perfect guy and you have fallen in love with my pet dork."

At half past eleven in the evening on a Friday night Karo read up on the text for a fourth year economics course while Mitsumi slept on the foot of his bed and stirred briefly as he dreamed of catching juicy spiders. Karo enjoyed the warmth of the covers while the text did much to ensure he would sleep well.

_Creak! _

"Oh crap." Azula's voice came through Karo's open door.

_ Smash! Thump! Thump! Thump!_

"What are you doing?" Lady Zhao asked from her bedroom.

"Do we get earthquakes in Ba Sing Se?" Azula asked quietly.

Karo looked up from his book.

"Not that you'd notice." Lady Zhao answered back from the washroom.

"We have witnessed that rarest of geological phenomena – the knicker-lanche." Azula said as she walked down the hall to Karo's room.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" Azula stood in the doorway.

"Why?" Karo asked carefully.

"Do you know that large pile of clothes in my room?" Azula said.

"Which one of the Azula Alps do you refer to?" Karo raised his left eyebrow – a behavior he had unconsciously learned from Azula. "I seem to remember a few piles of crap in your room. One of them shows promise as a a ski resort. I think that was the Mountain of Single Socks."

"I can't get into my room because the Mountain of Knickers fell over and jammed the door." Azula crossed her arms.

"Indeed." Karo put the book down on the night stand. "Do we have to rescue any trapped miners? Did it bury a small ski resort?"

"I will dig it out tomorrow." Azula said.

"Grab yourself a piece of the living room couch." Karo said in an effort to avoid having to spend a night listening to Azula snore. "In the linen closet in the bathroom you will find some blankets and you can make a nest for yourself on the couch."

_Thump!_

Karo sat up in bed.

_Creak!_

"That silly woman." Karo muttered to himself. "Has she finally piled so much junk in her room the floor is giving way or will the Mountain of Single Socks erupt with all its fury?"

Mitsumi stood up and looked around nervously when Karo turned on the lamp.

"You go first." Karo said to Mitsumi who looked back at Karo as if to say _not a chance in hell_. Mitsumi hid under Karo's covers and looked out.

"I take that as a no." Karo grabbed a hockey stick from his closet and left the room.

Karo could hear Azula snoring as he walked slowly down the stairs with a hockey stick in his hand.

_Tromp!_

"I wonder where the hideous, burly, burglar has hidden himself." Karo looked at the clock on the landing of the stairs. It read one thirty in the morning and Karo screamed, dropped the hockey stick and dove for the floor when the clock struck half past the hour. "I hope the emergency room doctor can get my heart working again."

"I heard a noise." Karo looked up at Azula as she stared back at him.

"Good for you." Azula said groggily. "Go back to bed."

_Step! Step Creak!_

"Check it out." Azula rolled over on the couch. "If I hear a blood curdling scream I will let your mom know."

"It came from the attic." Karo said nervously.

"Why did you -er – right." Azula stopped in mid question. "The attic hatch is in my room and you need my help to get in my room."

"Yes." Karo stood with the hockey stick in his hand.

"Go back to bed. In the winter the raccoons come indoors." Azula showed no concern in her voice. "Just dumb raccoons; go back to bed."

"I think those are human footsteps." Karo listened up the stairs.

"Go to sleep." Azula said calmly. "You can't get in – it can't get out."

_Crackle!_

"What _is_ that?" Karo found his hockey stick.

_Snap!_

"Unless I miss my guess." Azula yawned. "Someone is climbing down the chestnut tree outside."

"Can I get some help?" A familiar female voice cried out.

"Meng!" Azula and Karo uttered.

_Snap!_

"Ahh! Ow! Oof!" Meng screamed and hit the large snowbank after falling through the branches of the chestnut tree. Karo opened the door and endured a blast of bitterly cold air as Meng brushed off the frozen branches of the tree and rushed for the warmth inside.

"You dropped your hockey stick." Azula held it out as Karo closed the door after Meng had entered the house.

"I got trapped in your attic." Meng said with a fair degree of shame.

"What were you doing in the attic?" Azula asked with the intent of cutting to the point.

"I wanted to see Karo but I couldn't get out of the attic except through the way I came in." Meng knitted her fingers and avoided looking at Azula. "I climbed up the tree outside and came through the vent and then I couldn't find my way out."

"Crazy stalker chick." Azula said quietly and quickly. "What combination of voices in your head told you to do this?"

"Aang climbed that tree and serenaded Katara." Karo didn't have enough of the grasp on the nature of reality to protest too much about Meng's odd actions. "That tree has seen its share of odd people climbing it or swinging from it or singing from it."

"Do you think its a good idea to have the crazy stalker chick sleeping on our couch?" Azula lay under some blankets on the red rug in Karo's room.

"Not one of my better ideas." Karo yawned. "I will admit that."

"Why couldn't you send Meng home?" Azula had made a nest on the red rug in Karo's room that kept the floor warm. "She stalks you and hides in the attic and you let her sleep on the couch."

"I could do stupider things but it would require much effort but I couldn't send the poor girl home in the dark." Karo did not disagree with Azula. Karo found the uninvited attentions of Meng troubling but he didn't have the heart to send the girl back home at close to two in the morning. If Meng fell victim to some misfortune he would not forgive himself.

"She has bad teeth." Azula said.

"Go to sleep." Karo fluffed his pillow.

"I know she will cause me much pain." Azula stared up at the dark outlines of the ceiling.

"The cycle completes itself." Karo turned the brass key and the lamp when out. "You have caused me much pain."

"Ow!" Karo felt a pillow smack him in the back of his head.

"Ow! I badly need my – whatever you stomped on there!" Azula yelled out in pain at eight in the morning. Mitsumi jumped around the room and climbed behind Karo. "Karo! Why did you step on me!"

"After you hit me with a pillow I fell asleep and I haven't moved from my bed!" Karo turned over in his bed. The weather outside looked foul, dark gray and cold and things indoors didn't seem much better.

"I thought I would make you breakfast." Meng wore one of Lady Zhao's nightgowns. "Do you like tea and eggs with some fruit."

"Oh crap!" Karo looked up as Meng hovered over him with a tray.

"I'm cooking her alive!" Azula sat up.

"Please calm down." Karo sighed. "Does my mom know you have one of her nightgowns?"

"She lent it to me." Meng smiled and placed the tray on the bed.

"Meng!" Azula said with a good deal of anger. She pointed at the door and began a tirade. "Get the hell out of here! It's eight in the morning on a Saturday and no one should get out of bed before noon on Saturday! Leave Karo alone and go back to your aunt."

Meng pulled on her hair and her brown eyes began to tear up. She ran out of the room crying her lungs out.

"Did you have to do that?" Karo asked quietly.

"Hand over the tray of food." Azula said unemotionally. "She stepped on me! She got me up at eight in the freaking morning on a Saturday! Grr!"

"Help yourself." Karo said grimly.

"Karo!" Lady Zhao yelled up twenty minutes later.

"Azula!" She yelled a few moments later as she began to climb the stairs. "What did you say to Meng? You should know better than to be rude to guests."

"You deal with this." Karo said.

Azula snored.

"Karo!" Lady Zhao called from the other side of the door.

"Did I do something awful in a past life?" Karo opened the door.

"Meng is crying her eyes out at the kitchen table." Lady Zhao told Karo.

"She stepped on Azula and Azula – well – spoke her mind!" Karo sighed and wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

"I will talk with her." Karo said to her mom. "Azula is never at her best before ten."

"Once Azula wakes up, have her clean her room." Lady Zhao followed behind her son. "Or at least get the door to open."

"Hi Meng." Karo said quietly as he entered the kitchen. "Azula can be cranky in the morning. I am sorry she upset you."

"I wanted to make you a nice breakfast." Meng had her head in her hands.

"Thank you but...maybe you tried to hard." Karo delicately phrased his words. "And you stepped on Azula."

"Why do you love Azula?" Meng looked at Karo.

Karo decided to change the topic. He had noticed he had become quite talented at this in recent days.

"Well?" Karo took a cup of tea offered by his mother. "It occurs to me that you should let your poor Aunt know what happened to you. She must be very worried."

"I suppose I should." Meng sighed. "I can't go out in the weather dressed like this and so would Azula let me borrow some clothes?"

"Yes you can." Lady Zhao said. "She won't mind."

Five minutes later, Karo had the door to Azula's room partly open enough so Meng could put her arm inside and push on the pile that had fallen in front of the door.

"Hold on." Karo waved his arm in surrender. "I have to get something."

He could hear Azula snoring in his room as he walked past the door to his room. Karo went to the basement, stumbled around in the dim gloom and found a sturdy cricket bat he thought he could use to lever the door open.

Karo heard a loud crunch as he began to make his way up the basement stairs.

"Oh this can't be good." Karo muttered as he walked up the stairs.

Meng looked on helplessly.

Azula looked at Karo with a severe look on her face. Karo knew he had seen Azula look nearly as angry on some occasions but she had been known to sack villages shortly thereafter. Azula stood at the entrance to Karo's bedroom in her night gown and grabbed Karo by the scruff of his neck as he walked past.

"The door came off the hinges." Meng spread out her hands as if emphasizing that point. "You live in there?"

"Grrr!" Azula growled.

"I mean." Meng paused and pointed at Karo. "You are choking Karo."

"We – cough! - should really do something to clean this up." Karo said as he choked.

"Aunt Wu?" Meng said as Aunt Wu appeared in the doorway of Azula's room.

"Can you tell me what happened to all my socks?" Azula asked. "You buy twelve pair and then end up with twelve single socks. I think a small black hole has come into existence and sucks them all to another dimension. Karo believes that I am a slob who can't keep track of socks."

"I didn't say it like that." Karo replied. "I hope you didn't worry too much about Meng."

"I worried but Iroh told me she had come here." Aunt Wu explained. "What will I do with you dear Meng?"

"Not a problem." Karo said politely.

"She doesn't quite fit into my clothes." Azula reminded Aunt Wu. "I am taller."

"Ah my poor Meng." Aunt Wu said with some regret as she hugged her niece. "You try too hard to find your true love."

"What does this do?" Karo held up a metal clockwork mechanism that had fine brass gears and bore the logo of the Fire Nation.

"I broke the clock in my bedroom and tried to fix it." Azula said. "Never quite figured out how everything went back together and now the contraption runs backwards when you wind it up. If you set it to read twelve noon it will happily inform you an hour later that it is eleven in the morning. I think I lost some piece or the black hole that keeps sucking my socks out of our universe might have some weird time distortion."

"A black hole?" Aunt Wu leaned forward as if to ask for an explanation for the term 'black hole' since she had never heard of it.

"A small region of pure gravity that in theory can suck in light." Azula made a less wobbly pile of books as she worked to clean up her room. "No one has ever seen one but some physicists believe they are possible but then again since they suck in light it makes finding them a tad difficult."

"Meng wants to start college." Aunt Wu didn't fully understand the explanation or appreciate nerd humor. "May I ask if you know of any places to live? Uncle Iroh offered the cottage in the backyard once the water tribe girl moves out in the spring but I don't want her living all alone in the big city."

"Have you considered the university residences?" Karo asked. "You pay a flat fee per term for a room and board."

"Are they safe?" Aunt Wu patted Meng's shoulder.

"The University dorms offered convenience because they offered students a chance to stay close to campus. They offered a chance to engage in drinking and other vices. Karo had once walked through the nest of dorm houses and nearly lost his life when someone rolled a beer keg out of a fourth floor window and it landed next to him and exploded.

"They have kept fatalities to a minimum and the university has a policy to not replace furniture students set fire to." Azula had no problem stating her low opinion of the university dormitories by informing everyone that the average Fire Nation prison had better toilets and the cells for solitary confinement offered more space. "Out of a thousand students in the dorms, most survive."

"We can give her a tour of the place." Karo offered. "She can see what university has to offer and then that might help."

* * *

A sign over the main administration building read '_Welcome to the University of Ba Sing Se: Home of the Raging Hornets Cricket Club_' in delicately carved characters. The important stature of the cricket team was revealed by the simple fact no one had bothered with a team name that had more alliteration. Someone had driven an ostrich team through the large wooden double front doors and abandoned the carriage to avoid the drunk driving charge that would follow when the authorities found the owner. Workmen had placed yellow barricades around the site and roped off the work site with yellow ropes but had made no progress on replacing the doors. A hastily scratched out sign taped to a rough wooden sawhorse had an arrow to guide students to the fire exit. Azula could not be bothered and ignored the rope and walked through the work site. Meng and Karo met her on the inside of the building.

"The signs told you to go around." A janitor sweeping the floor informed Azula. "You could get injured if you stray into a work zone."

"A real danger of that." Azula leaned against the battered carriage and cupped her hand to her ear. "I see all the workmen beavering away to fix the door. I can barely make out your words over the sounds of sawing and whatever it is one does to doors to fix them."

Please don't ignore warnings – for your own safety." The janitor ignored Azula's sarcasm and resumed his cleaning duties.

"Crisp." Karo commented on the cold but sunny day now made worse because the interior of the building no longer had any heat.

"We begin our tour of the University of Ba Sing Se at the nerve center of the entire institution – the Administration Building and Cafeteria." Azula pointed out the cafeteria. "Each year you will pay tuition and each year tuition fees increase. I make note of this because by far the university spends the bulk of its funds hiring people to administer things and gives them important sounding titles like Provost which I think refers to the University rodeo clown."

"He works out of a barrel behind the cafeteria." Karo added.

"You will need a copy of the University Calendar which explains the way this place works." Azula walked past a very ugly stone statue of some important and ugly knob that dominated or would have dominated the lobby if someone had not crashed a red carriage through the front doors. "You can buy one from the Campus Bookstore but you don't need to. Most offices and the library have copies so you can save a few gold pieces by stealing one."

"They usually have a rack of pamphlets with information on different programs but it has gone missing." Karo looked around the statue but the metal rack had well and truly vanished. "The cafeteria is open."

"I need tea." Azula said to Meng.

"They have ostrich meat strips on special." Karo read the menu printed in wobbly handwriting in pink chalk on the chalkboard that stood outside the cafeteria front entrance. "That probably means the ostrich team met with a ghastly fate."

The cafeteria had only a few patrons scattered at different tables. On a cold, sunny Sunday few people could be bothered to come to the campus and most dorm students slept in late and ate little as they had a hangover. They walked through the cafeteria serving area and Karo filled a cup with the not quite Peach drink and noticed it had a pinkish color.

"What happened to the almost but not exactly quite like peach flavored beverage?" Karo asked one of the cafeteria staff.

"The manufacturer – The Chenghong Beverage and Fertilizer Concern recalled it due to high levels of arsenic or cadmium or something like that." The young woman explained. "We have begun serving Chenghong Somewhat Grapefruit Flavored Pink Drink – we hope. Their catalog sells fish fertilizer under a similar order number."

"I don't smell fish." Karo sniffed the cup. "I smell something fruity but not all together natural."

"As a student you will spend most of your time in the cafeteria." Azula held a tray of fried potatoes and spoke to Meng. "Are you going to buy lunch?"

"Does this smell like fish?" Karo held out the glass of pink liquid to Azula.

"A faint hint of lamp oil and acetone." Azula waved her hand over the glass and smelled.

"How is the tea?" Meng had a tray with a stray banana gelatin and whipped cream desert.

"We call it tea." The young woman stocking the cafeteria displays said calmly. "In the interests of full disclosure we serve the somewhat cheaper Chenghong Simulated Tea with Adderall."

"I had noticed the price for the somewhat cheaper Simulated Tea has resulted in a five percent increase in the price of tea." Azula said to the girl. "The University President buy a new wife?"

"Shipping costs went up." The girl placed a stainless steel tub of limp salad behind a sneeze guard.

* * *

Three months passed. Meng applied to the University of Ba Sing Se to become some kind of undergraduate. She left with her Aunt but had returned three months later to find a place to live and to prepare herself for her career as a student. The mosquitoes had settled in over Ba Sing Se and so had the lovely spring smog. Chenghong Tea Simulant with Adderall had been blamed for thirty heart related deaths but the company denied any wrongdoing.

"I heard the University of Ba Sing Se accepted young Meng as an undergraduate." Katara stood over the Pai Sho table as Azula and Karo played out their daily game. "She can register for summer courses."

"I know." Karo looked distraught. "She ran through the tea shop, waving the letter and crushed me in a bear hug. She told me I have cute freckles and big ears and she wants to hear more stories about Pearlie the Park Fairy. I didn't write those stories - I could get sued."

"What will she decide to study?" Azula tossed a pink glass Pai Sho tile in the air. "When we toured the University last time she seemed interested in Library Science or becoming a school teacher."

"I can't take her attention." Karo looked at Katara with pleading eyes. "She gives me crushing hugs and I have _hemophilia_. If this goes on I will have to line up blood donors."

"I can ignore you more." Azula offered. "I will be busy this summer staging a major campaign against the knobs at the University Library. I should have blown up the place when I had the chance!"

"Did you ever settle the score between you and the University Library?" Karo studied the Pai Sho board and sipped his tea.

"The Fire Nation cut a check after I did some artful explaining." Azula looked down at Karo.

"Uh – huh?" Karo sounded doubtful. "Didn't you tell me a scientist must first bravely represent the truth."

"I didn't say I lied did I?" Azula sounded offended.

"Fire Lord Zuko received the bill and paid it or some anonymous bureaucrat pencil whipped it through" Azula smiled wickedly. "I think he figures as long as I am warring against the library I won't return to cause trouble so he considers these large bills for lost books a courtesy expense for a quiet house and a somewhat happier, less emotionally abusive wife."

"So what's the problem?" Katara asked.

"They have a sixty year old white haired librarian with a shrill voice watch over me when I am in the reading rooms." Azula sneered but her complaint revealed something of the nature of her own strange soul. During the Occupation of the City, Azula had asked to read the First Edition Copy of the Principia but the University had hidden their collection of rare books. Her complaint about the shrill old lady was, as Karo well knew, hyperbole. The shill old lady guarded the university collection of rare books and Azula had spent time in the reading room with gloves reading The Principia with the old lady buzzing over her to protect the invaluable book.

"Your Uncle Iroh is so sweet." Meng came back and crushed Azula with a hug. She wore a nice green Earth Kingdom style dress designed to make her look pretty. "He is letting me rent the spare upstairs room. I will go to school with you and cute little Karo."

She walked over and gave Karo a crushing hug. Karo noted she had a bun and a green ribbon in her hair. He took the sign she had decided to dress up as a bad omen.

Karo quietly stood up and began to walk out of the tea shop without saying a word.

"Hey! Freckle face! You haven't finished our game!" Azula tapped the Pai Sho board.

"I suddenly feel the need to check out the Law of Gravity. Maybe the guy who wrote the Principia had some kind of scam going!" Karo turned his head and said softly. "Will a fall from the apartment block next door be enough to kill me?"


End file.
